If you understand “How to get out of the Karpman Triangle”, you will be able to manage the situation with ease. The first and most important step: REALIZE THAT YOU ARE IN A TRIANGLE. Next step: determine the main role. Third step: determine the benefit. Then work on yourself step by step. Ask yourself questions: What am I doing here? Who am I in this situation? Perhaps the Victim, perhaps the Persecutor, perhaps the roles are constantly changing. Then - who am I more often? What are my true goals? What is my interest? Why is the other person here? What important does he do for me, why can’t I do without him? How can I get what I want without the participation of another and outside the Triangle? The work is difficult, but I can do it. How to stop being a victim? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and complaining about life. Everything is much better than you are used to seeing - we are looking for a different angle on ourselves and the situation. Start looking for opportunities to improve the situation. We focus not on the problem, but on the solution. We outline clear steps to achieve goals - where I’ll start, what’s next, what else I can do, what I can’t do yet, but I keep in mind and look for ways to start doing. Remember that everything you do and don’t do is your responsibility, not another person’s. No excuses, no self-blame. We take small steps to change the situation, we don’t try to please anyone. Understand forever that no one owes you anything - neither help nor regret. Help yourself - take responsibility. How to stop being a controller? Learn to manage aggression and anger. Do not rush to meddle in other people's affairs until asked. Stop blaming everyone and everything. Your ideas about right and wrong are yours alone - other people are not obliged to follow them. Stop asserting yourself at the expense of others. “Take off the crown” - answer yourself honestly - am I always perfect? Learn to accept others as they are. How to stop being a rescuer? Do not give unsolicited advice, do not rush to offer help. Think about the fact that in difficulties a person grows and develops, and you deprive him of this opportunity. You don’t know “what’s best” for someone else! Admit it. Don't give advice. And if a person asks for them, help him make his own decision with leading questions: “What do you think will be better?”, “What will happen if you do or don’t do this?”, “What are the pros and cons of this decision for you? ", "Where do you think you should start?" This way you don't take responsibility for someone else's life. Don't expect gratitude. As the Chinese proverb says: “Do good and throw it into the water.” And if you help to receive praise and honors, think about it! Refuse to assert yourself at the expense of others. Do not promise anything unless you are sure that you can do it, that it is within your competence. Mind your own business. Sources: Raising a Successful Person. Part 1. Based on real events Authors: Evgenia Protasova