In the work of a psychologist, seasonality can sometimes be traced. Traditional summer requests are related to children. Here is one of them (published with the client’s permission). -I would like to make an appointment, it’s urgent. I can’t cope with myself, I constantly have a headache, I cry often, I absolutely don’t know what to do. I'm so worried. I calculated everything, we saved the money. And what? Nothing. Help! - What happened? - His life is being decided, he needs to: decide on an institute, submit documents, plan, negotiate, run. And he lies there. -Wait, but this is his life, and therefore his choice? -No, you don’t understand. Even when we asked him to decide which circle to participate in, he chose the wrong one, without any perspective! And when we told him that he shouldn’t be friends with Sema Fedin, he refused and you know what happened? Nothing good! I couldn’t even really prepare for the exams. And anyway, the child is only 18, what does he understand? - So, you don’t believe that he can make a choice on his own? - But he doesn’t make it. As luck would have it, he moved to live in his grandmother’s apartment, living there alone like an owl. I call him, I call, I made a plan for him, I agreed everywhere, but he doesn’t go anywhere and when I come to him he’s lying down. There’s nothing to breathe in the apartment, there’s nothing there, what should we do? - How often do you call him, go to see him? Well. I was thinking. - I stop by a couple of times a day, I call several times. - How many? - About every couple of hours, my husband also calls and my grandmother, but they visit him less often. - Excuse me, how can he decide when to make a choice if he answers phone calls all the time, receives guests. - But what then? - Your boy is smart and responsible. -Yes, but..-Your son always studied well and asked for your advice when he needed it? -Yes, but..-What if you get together with grandma, dad and son and talk? Tell him how much you believe in him, that you are ready to support him, that you are worried? Why don’t you give the right to decide to your son? - I thought. Well... We'll try. A call in a few days. - Can you imagine? He looked at it himself, chose it, sent it out, and takes the exams. Well, wow, I didn’t even think... This boy did it. Himself, to a respected university in a sought-after department, on a budget. Children grow before our eyes, we remember the first steps, the first words, mistakes and blunders, and are hardly ready to admit that the child has grown up. It seems to us that they need us, although at some point we ourselves need children more. For different reasons. It becomes especially empty for those who completely filled their lives with caring for a child. Left with this emptiness, you suddenly realize that life has not turned out the way you wanted, that work is not fun, and personal relationships are just a façade, that old age is coming and your dreams will no longer come true. This is the worst case scenario. Best for those who grow up with children, who live not for the sake of, but next to them, sharing their joys and sorrows, and not taking it upon themselves. For those who do not dissolve in children, but lead a full, rich life, which only wins with the advent of children and does not lose when children grow up and fly out of the nest. Yes, they don’t fly particularly far, even if geographically it’s the other end of the globe. In modern times, distance does not interfere with communication if the relationship you have created with your child allows it. If YOU allowed yourself to create just such a relationship with your child.