From the author: The biggest difficulty in choosing is that when choosing one, we give up the second and third. Choice or Decision I’m thinking about choice and decision - about my experiences and observations, therapeutic situations, about that when there is a situation of choice, but the internal need has not been formed - there are many doubts, fears, concerns, there is not enough energy to make a choice - then a person seeks support in the environment - asks for advice, asks for the opinions of others, looks for signs of fate, tries to evaluate external factors, maybe succumb to the influence of a strong emotion, for example, anger or fear and makes a decision. For me, a decision differs from a choice in form and content. In a choice there is reliance on oneself, on understanding what will be best for me, what its benefits and dangers are, what I mean I worry and how the environment responds to my choices, what opportunities and limitations arise, are noticed and recognized. There are fantasies of the future that can be positively or negatively colored. An understanding or idea of ​​what I am losing and what value it has for me, what I part with with joy, and what causes sadness and regret. There is room for maneuver in the choice - freedom. This freedom is about the fact that if the result does not suit me, or does not meet my expectations, circumstances have changed, another need has appeared, or I was simply mistaken - I have the opportunity to make a different choice. The decision is usually tough, involving will and strength , a total rejection of the possible other and moving only forward, according to the chosen goal, no matter what. The goal, even if it has lost its relevance, does not change. The rigidity of the form of the decision, where there is a goal and must achieve it, suppresses all experiences - it blocks or replaces. Changing the decision brings pain. disappointment, includes self-criticism, self-flagellation. For example: A husband who suspects his wife of cheating gets angry and decides to leave his cheating wife, packs up his things and leaves. The decision is made, he says I will never return, I will not talk to her, I will not even look at her. I'll cut off all contacts. Out of sight, out of mind. A man said, a man did. After a while, anger decreases, but habit, affection, love make you want to meet and talk. BUT!!! The decision has been made and there is no backtracking. If I retreat, I will look like a weakling, a weakling, says the inner critic. You’ve made a decision, you can’t back down! If a meeting takes place or the relationship is restored, an unpleasant aftertaste remains that you broke your “pledge” and deviated from your decision. The inner critic condemns, calls, and devalues ​​with intensity. In the same situation, when there is access to the experience: pain, resentment, pity, anxiety, disgust, disappointment, confusion, anger - the opportunity arises to choose: leave or stay. For example, stay, but feel pain, resentment and humiliation, or leave, move away and thereby blur, anesthetize the situation, or some other choice. External factors are assessed: where can I be alone, are there sufficient resources and ways for this. Then the choice may look like this: Now I can’t be here, I don’t want to see, talk, I want to be alone, I need time. I’ll live in a hotel for a while. Maybe then, later we can talk, meet, discuss, etc. Come, we’ll talk, play and explore about this: How do you make choices? What difficulties do you face? What helps and what hinders you from making a choice at a psychological workshop “Difficulties of choice” November 29, 2018 at 19.00, duration 3 hours. You can sign up or ask a question in a personal message or by calling +79253784137