Meet Romeo and Juliet. They escaped from Shakespeare and began to live a normal family life. Their passions subsided, the characters became more mature - a good family and generally excellent relationships. But sometimes they repeat the same conflict, like a broken record, according to the same scenario, with the same outcome: mutual insults and misunderstanding. Both of them are burdened by such quarrels, and each asks himself: “How can I make my partner change?” But is this a good question? As soon as Juliet starts talking about the upcoming renovation, Romeo becomes silent and walks away from the conversation. This angers Juliet: “What kind of irresponsibility and kindergarten,” she thinks. “Does he really not take me seriously and doesn’t care about repairs?” She begins to insist, reproaching her husband, but he brushes it off and withdraws even more into himself. At the same time, Romeo thinks: “How long can you nag me?! There’s no way to calmly discuss the long-awaited renovation, but she’s starting to get hysterical!” Then the situation unravels, and in the end he slams the door, and she remains perplexed. Until the truce. Each blames the other, but at the same time does not notice that they themselves contribute to their partner’s behavior. Romeo's silence increases Juliet's pressure, which further increases Romeo's silence, which supports Juliet's nagging, and so on. Vicious circle. Unanswered question: “Does Romeo ignore Juliet because she nags him, or does Juliet nag Romeo because he ignores her?” Nevertheless, these kinds of questions are useful to ask yourself when looking for someone to blame. Communication, when the behavior of one supports the different behavior of another, is called complementary (mutually complementary). If the characters start shouting at each other, that is, their reactions will be the same - the relationship at the moment will become symmetrical (equal). Complementary and symmetrical relationships are neither good nor bad. Whether they promote harmony or not is a matter of individual case. How to break the vicious circle of repeated mutual misunderstanding? 1. Ask yourself: what reaction of mine supports my partner’s behavior? 2. Do something you haven’t done before, change the script, say something different, or express your point of view in an unconventional way. In any case, it is useful to strengthen relationships by introducing something new into them, changing your actions and reactions. 3. Translate communication into meta-communication (talk about conflict). This is helped by verbally expressing your feelings about the situation. Juliet could have calmly said, “When you don’t respond, I feel ignored and uneasy and feel like you don’t care.” Romeo would initiate the dialogue like this: “It seems to me that we often argue about the same thing and it all ends in a scandal...” It is sometimes difficult for spouses as elements of the family system to communicate on a meta-level, often requiring outside influence, for example, in the person of a family psychologist . Of course, when emotions begin to “overwhelm”, it is difficult to be rational. The ability to take a short pause before answering is a skill that can and should be trained. A mental question before reacting emotionally: “What can I do now?” creates a small space of freedom in which there are more adequate ways to resolve the conflict. If you take this question into parts, you get the following: WHAT - specifics, I - responsibility, CAN DO - action, NOW - timeliness. The answer to it is a meaningful action. You shouldn’t wait for someone to change or be the first to show their loyalty. It's better to take the first step yourself.