Shame is perhaps the most unpleasant and difficult emotion to bear. Weak intensity is awkwardness and embarrassment, strong intensity is the desire to fall through the ground or become invisible. Also, feeling shame, you can start killing yourself. The inner critic perks up, realizes that now there is work for him, rolls up his sleeves and..... And we understand not only how far we are from the ideal, but also in general.... The horror is terrible. Shame is often confused with fear. They say I'm scared, but instead I'm ashamed. It's pretty easy to tell the difference. Shame is always there where there is a certain situation related to the social environment. Exceptions are special specific injuries. But I think confusion doesn't just happen. In shame, if you look at it, there is a fear of “ceasing to be, to exist.” This from somewhere very far away in our lives is handed down to us as a suitcase into adulthood. When mom or dad, or another significant loved one, told us: “I don’t like this, you’re bad,” “if you do this, you’re not my child,” and so on in different variations. That is, with our minds we understand (as adults) that no one will die if we do not comply. But there is a feeling - there is a persistent feeling that - if we screw up, make a mistake, make the wrong decision - a large and formidable someone will immediately appear and say “how dare you? That’s it, you no longer have the right to be in the human race.” Of course, I’m exaggerating here somewhere, but in general, if you look inside a person who is ashamed, then everything is arranged close to how I describe, it seems to me. And then the question is - how to survive, if it just so happens that everything inside is like this difficult feeling and experience. As always, there may be more than one possible answer. But there is an important one that I would like to talk about. Oddly enough, this is support from the environment. And our readiness to notice this support. The fact is that when we touch shame, we often deal not with real relationships or contact, but with our internal piece of experience that once took place. And this experience is so unpleasant that we automatically transfer it to our entire present life. That is, we don’t even recognize that now there are other people nearby, different circumstances, and in general everything is different. Somewhere inside us we are still those same little girls and boys, and the world around us is like a big, formidable mother, threatening to deny us our existence in response to a mistake, or a class of children laughing at our absurdity, or... Well, in general, to each their own. But if you begin to separate this experience from your current real life, and see it as just a big and unpleasant experience, then you can SUDDENLY discover that the people nearby are not at all going to mock our mistakes or threaten us with love and society. And this is often a discovery in strength and internal scale equivalent to the discovery of a new continent. What's this? Can I really mess up and no one will turn away? And someone will say, well, it’s a matter of business - I was mistaken, sometimes it’s a matter of everyday life. And it turns out that you can also get support for this, and in general, many people make mistakes, it’s just not customary to talk about it. And, oh gods, hang in there, you made a mistake, messed up, generally did everything wrong, but you are still loved and treasured. And then you understand and feel that it is possible to survive in shame, that the world can continue to exist. The main thing is to see those very ones who.....and change the focus of vision.