From the author: Reflections after a meeting with my psychologist...Yesterday a very interesting question was raised with a psychologist. High activity in relationships. What I mean? What when one partner is much more involved in the relationship than the other. In such a situation, it is possible that the second partner, seeing that he cannot be “on an equal footing” in actions with the first, becomes more and more passive. What happens next? The first partner becomes more and more involved, as if suppressing the second, and, it seems to me, begins to create higher and higher expectations from the relationship. As a result, the passivity of the second (forced or intentional) creates a huge difference between what the first one expects and what he actually receives from his partner. As a result, shattered expectations, resentment, disappointment, i.e. This is clearly an undesirable development for a strong relationship. It is important to note that when I talk about high activity, in this case I am only talking about something positive. Constant attention to your partner, gifts, compliments, support, help and much more that is sometimes so lacking in a relationship. But, as they say, too much of a good thing is also bad. I very, very often say that balance is the solution to all problems (a rough definition, but in this case it will do). And balance concerns both extremes - both negative (alienation, lack of attention, ignoring) and positive (excessive attention to the partner). Therefore, rushing into a relationship and giving our partner the maximum that we can give, even if it is very pleasant for us and we really want to do it, it is important to notice what is happening with our partner at these moments. Can he accept this “amount” of attention or will he begin to “retreat”? After all, at first, that second partner, of course, will be happy and will be pleased with such attention, but at one moment, he may, without realizing it, begin to retreat, because he simply cannot be part of such a relationship. If both partners, or at least one, realize this situation in time, then this can be resolved by discussing the situation ourselves or in therapy, but usually such high activity is pleasant for both partners and suddenly... (my blog)