Many people have gone through a divorce and decided to no longer be with this partner. But there are still children who should not suffer because of their parents’ separation. Parents do their best to give their children warmth and care, although, unfortunately, not all of them. This topic is very capacious, there are many problems here. In this article we will talk about situations when children from their first marriage are introduced to the new chosen one of their mother or father. And in some cases, everyone will have to live together as one family. Of course, each case is individual, there are many facets that cannot be covered with one material. However, there are quite universal rules that are worth remembering in such situations. 1) Analyze how your chosen one builds relationships with his children. Observe, do not ignore certain facts. The sooner you draw up a complete picture, the clearer it will be to you whether it is worth going into this relationship, what place you can have in it. Not in all cases it is possible to come to a compromise. Why torture yourself and your children if it’s immediately clear that you won’t build a healthy system here? And, conversely, if what you observe is acceptable to you, it will help you quickly navigate and find an approach. 2) Don’t expect rapid rapprochement. Don’t demand this from yourself, from your chosen one and from your children. Everyone needs time to get used to and get to know each other. Just an even relationship at the first stage is already good. 3) Determine for yourself a reasonable minimum. Especially at first, a mutual respectful attitude, unobtrusive communication, some common joint activities or activities are enough. Then you will get your bearings. 4) Determine for yourself the desired role in communicating with children. You do not necessarily have to become a mother or father for children, especially if they have both parents and they communicate with them. Determine for yourself an acceptable role in communicating with children . For example, a senior friend or mentor. And stick to that role. Discuss this role with the child’s parent. 5) Discuss and agree on the ground rules on the shore You should not hope that the main thing is to start living together and the problems will be resolved on their own. If possible, discuss the main issues before starting to live together: budget, priorities, personal boundaries, etc. d.6) Test period It is not always clear whether it will be possible to find a common language and what to expect. Try spending a short period of time together first. For example, go out of town for the whole weekend, go on vacation. Much will become clearer. It will be possible to further build a strategy. 7) It is very important to maintain balance. Do not forget about yourself and your life. It will not lead to anything good if you throw all your energy solely into building these relationships, forgetting about yourself. 8) Prepare all participants in your future union It is important that preparations are carried out on each side. Communicate with your children, tell them about how life will be built in the future. Give recommendations to your partner. Let everyone understand their area of ​​responsibilities. Plus, it is important to avoid a complete information vacuum.9) It is important to come to a reasonable agreement that will suit all participants in the union. The main rule: negotiate, come to a consensus that will take into account the interests of all parties. The topic is very difficult, and for many, painful. If you find it difficult to navigate it, please contact us for a consultation, I will be happy to help you.Vera Bokareva, psychologist, sexologist, Doctor of Social Sciences. Sign up for a consultation: WhatsApp / Viber / Telegram: +7-963-231-37-12 / verabo.ru