From the author: The author’s article was published in “Novaya Gazeta District” No. 26 (91) on November 21, 2015. The format of the article is limited to the format of a newspaper article. “I met a man. We started dating, he offers to marry Marry him. But I notice that this man does not fulfill his promises and likes to take advantage of other people. I draw your attention to the fact that some kind of troubles are constantly happening in his life. And after we met, troubles began to constantly occur in my life, and they began to come less often. money. Is there any connection in this? How can I check him? Is it worth connecting my life with such a person? Elizaveta, 37 years old, art. StaromyshastovskayaElizaveta, from your short letter I have more questions than answers, but I will try to comment on the letter.1. The first thing you should pay attention to is whether the scenarios of relationships with your partners are repeated. Did all previous men not fulfill their promises and like to take advantage of other people? In what ways are your men similar? If relationships cause pain and are repeated with different men, then it makes sense to think about what attracts me to such partners? What do I gain from this relationship? Do you want to save them from problems? Regret? To correct? Are you used to painful experiences? Are you driven by the fear of losing a loved one? Remember, by helping a man cope with a problem, a woman saves herself from trauma that affects her personally. What's the solution? Feel the value of your own life, realize your desires, learn to love yourself UNCONDITIONALLY, begin to treat yourself with respect and care, learn to defend your boundaries. It may make sense to consult a specialist.2. If the scenarios do not repeat themselves, then it is advisable to answer the following questions: “What motivates me to be with this partner?”, “What feelings do I feel towards him?” Based on your letter, it is not clear whether you love your man, calling him “this man,” whether you respect him, whether he is valuable to you. When the “honeymoon” is over, the partner gets acquainted not only with the strengths of his partner’s personality, but also discovers the “other side of the moon”, “grinding in” takes place between the partners and their own boundaries are determined. The cement of the strength of family relationships are feelings of love, respect, harmony, the value of the other person, obligations and a general understanding of the direction of life. What will your relationship be based on? Loss of confidence in yourself and in your partner, a growing feeling of dissatisfaction in living together, doubts, feelings of resentment and irritation - this is the price for a false fairy tale of family life.3. You ask: “How can I check it?” Elizabeth, why do you need to check your partner? Don't you trust him? Do you doubt it? Are you unhappy with his attitude towards others? Already at the initial stage of the relationship, you have many questions and complaints about your partner: it seems to you that your troubles are connected with him personally, that your financial freedom has suffered due to the presence of this person. What will happen next? A young man came to the ancient Greek philosopher Socrates with the question: “Should I marry or not?” To which Socrates replied: “Do what you want, you will repent anyway.” If we do not understand our motives for getting married and do not take responsibility for our actions, we will always regret no matter how we act. Love, understand and value yourself, and then you will find a worthy partner!