Transactional analysis has a convenient and popular model of how people can build relationships with each other. This model is called the drama triangle or Karpman triangle, as it was first described by Stephen Karpman in 1968. This model includes three roles - victim, rescuer and persecutor. And these roles are dynamic, that is, the same person in the same relationship can act in each of these roles, depending on the circumstances. The triangle is called dramatic because it can play out endlessly, causing a lot of emotions in the participants. How to get out of roles First of all, you need to learn to find yourself in one of the roles, since we find ourselves in them unconsciously. And until we are aware of something, it controls us, not us. The role of the victim. You feel like a victim of circumstances, helpless or heroically enduring the hardships of a life that will never end. You are a small person, this world is cruel and unfair to you, and there are no good people in it. You are not like that, but the world is like that. It's not up to you to decide, you just have to endure. How can this happen to you, because you... and they... In general, suffering, complaints, manipulation, inaction in relation to the problem, shifting responsibility. The role of the rescuer. You feel obligated to solve other people's problems, tell others how to do it and how it will be more effective. Yes, it just so happened that you were able to learn and realize more in this life. Don’t abandon these dark ones now, it’s not their fault that they are like this. “If I don’t intervene now, then I’ll have to resolve even bigger problems. And I’m already exhausted. Eh, who, if not me. Let’s go steer.” The role of the pursuer. You feel like your patience has run out. You were so kind and indulgent, but no one appreciated it. Now they will know where they should all go and where their place is. They thought you were the victim here, and you were just giving them a chance to show their best qualities. Now let them try to cope without you. You also feel fear or shame, and therefore scream even louder. Next, you need to ask yourself what your true need is, which you are trying to crookedly realize through the role. To leave the role of the victim means to admit that you are normally vulnerable. “I may have problems, but that doesn’t change my ability to solve those problems. What help do I need? Who could tell me or help me? After all, if I am an adult, this does not mean that I am invulnerable and must solve all my problems alone.” Leaving the role of a rescuer means taking a caring position. “I can offer my help by showing care and respect towards the person. I assessed my capabilities and weighed my strength so that I could help not from a deficit.” To leave the role of a pursuer means to take a position of confidence. Explore your boundaries and, if necessary, confront, argue, express your opinion, or simply confidently agree or refuse. If the relationship is significant, then it is important to tell the person what exactly does not suit us and why, and not punish him for violating boundaries. In general, it is better to protest not in the form of punishment, but based on an adult, balanced, reasoned position. When describing the roles from the Karpman triangle, I was a little ironic in order to make this game less dramatic and less attractive to potential players;) We all play games, depriving themselves the possibility of quality satisfaction of their needs. And each of us has a chance to play our own individual role in life, going beyond the template. Come understand your roles if they do not lead you according to the desired scenario. Book a consultation via WhatsApp