From the author: Over the years of my practice, I have seen many combinations of various reasons leading to the loss of reproductive function. The story of each individual woman is very individual, and the older she is, the more intersections of various motives. For the first three years of my professional career and service at the Family Planning Center, I, like most young specialists, burned with a passionate desire to save all the “drowning”. In fact, she was the only “doctor of souls” for several institutions at once: a regional maternity hospital with pathology for pregnant women, a gynecology department and the above-mentioned center. My ministry was mostly intended for “non-believers” - those who did not want to receive the help of a psychologist at all. Clients did not directly pay for my work, and therefore they did not see much value in it. However, I remember with gratitude that period of my life when I witnessed incredible client stories, learned to bypass resistance and explain complex things in understandable language. I now want to talk about the story of one of my clients diagnosed with “secondary immune infertility”, or rather about the disclosure its main reasons. That woman was a little over forty, and she was in a hurry to become a mother. The adjective “secondary” was slightly comforting and indicated that she had already had at least one pregnancy. Her treatment at our center lasted more than a year and consisted of suppressing the activity of antisperm antibodies. For some reason, her body fought with her husband’s seed and killed it at the first meeting. So why or for what? This was to be found out. “I have no complaints.” And nothing hurts me. I am healthy. I don’t understand what all this is about? After all, everything has already been decided,” my client began with undisguised irritation in her voice. – And all my visitors are healthy. And most of them, like you, don’t understand. Why do you need a psychologist? What is he doing here? And he conducts the same important diagnostics, predicts the sustainability of treatment results and the likelihood of success of upcoming procedures. Tell me, how do you feel when you are sent to undergo certain tests or conduct additional research? - I have a normal attitude towards this. The doctor knows better what to do,” the woman continued in the same manner. “That’s great!” Was it the doctor who sent you here? I didn’t bring you by force, did I? Agree! You yourself came. So, do you have fifteen minutes for a short conversation? Or write on the card that you refuse the consultation? “Fifteen minutes will be found,” the woman answered with some humility, but with great wariness. And in order to somehow distract her, I started from afar. “You know, Vera Pavlovna, when I studied at the university, we had a subject called “anatomy of higher nervous activity.” I remember well how, at the request of my classmates, I begged the professor not to require us to study Latin. He was fanatically devoted to his profession and wanted to see the same devotion in us. The teacher brought to class a real human brain, which was floating in formaldehyde; he took it out of the unpleasant-smelling liquid with his bare hands and told us about how this mysterious organ works. – Why are you telling me all this? – And I’ll explain now. Then, while still a first-year student, I understood little and, out of my ignorance, had similar conversations with the teacher: “Why do we need to know all this? We will not explain to our clients what the hypothalamus is and how it is connected to the pituitary gland.” And I will tell you frankly that I was deeply mistaken. Now I’m sitting in this office and I don’t know how to explain to you why your brain is so actively resisting your desire to give birth. How can I convey to you so that it becomes clear that the doctor alone, without your participation, cannot give you what you want? - Why can’t he? Just the opposite. I told you that everything has already been decided. We were offered artificial insemination, and we agreed. – Do you believe that it is possible to deceive the immune system?system? Do you think the reason lies only in antibodies and only at the level of the cervix? It's a pity that I don't have time to paint you a complete picture of a woman's reproductive health. - Don't talk to me in riddles. If you think it’s necessary to explain something, then explain! - Okay. Then let's start with the main thing. I hope you know that this procedure does not provide a 100% guarantee of pregnancy? Do you know what can increase the likelihood of a positive result? - No, I do not know. So what? – First of all, this is the willingness to take care of your health independently with the understanding that health is not just the absence of any diseases. The picture of health is written in three dimensions, where physical symptoms are reflected in a woman’s unlived emotions and in her relationships with others. Perhaps the main reasons for not getting pregnant are that you are going through some difficulties in your life? Perhaps you need to change something? – What else should I change? My life has already been turned upside down. Two years ago I lost my son. He was hit by a car. “I’m sorry.” I didn't know. How old was he? - Sixteen. You wouldn’t wish such changes on your enemy. The trial continues for the second year. And the driver is still at large. I will do everything possible to put him in prison! - Do you think that our loved ones who left us want revenge? “I think that it will be easier for my son there when justice prevails.” “It will be difficult for you, Vera Pavlovna.” Preparing for conception, carrying a pregnancy and going to court at the same time are almost incompatible things. Tell me, can you allow the following thought: leave everything as it is, allow yourself to take a break for a while, experience the loss of your son, and then undergo similar medical procedures? “I don’t have time to put off having a baby until later.” You see - age... - There is always time, the main thing is that you have the strength and energy left for it. You know, when a woman is just thinking about getting pregnant, an active area appears on the right side of her brain, which controls all changes in the body and subordinates everything to the only important goal: to conceive, bear and give birth. This requires an incredible amount of energy. But when at the same time there is another equally significant goal, it competes with the desire to have a child and steals the energy of pregnancy - it does not allow the very area that is responsible for conception and the natural course of pregnancy to strengthen and expand. This is, in a very short way. – I can’t leave everything as it is and forgive that man! You probably don't understand. He killed my son. Who can forgive this? Only those who did not bury their children... – I agree with you. This is very difficult for most people. Only the worm easily forgives the plow that cut it in two. Forgives and says goodbye forever to that cut off part that is in the tail. The same part where his head remains is gradually restored and reborn. The tail grows back, and the worm continues to live: it brings benefits and produces offspring. But this takes time... – I’m not a worm. – I agree with this too. Then it is important to do everything in order: finishing one thing, starting another. First, finish the court cases. Secondly, a busy bee has no time to mourn. Saying goodbye to your son requires time and permission to live through the family tragedy next to your husband. It's not easy and it's not quick. And after... – You didn’t convince me. The procedure has already been scheduled, but the case of my son’s death remains open. - Well. There is nothing more I can do for you. I wish you positive results. Take your medical card, please. And goodbye... Over the years of my practice, I have seen many combinations of various reasons leading to the loss of reproductive function. The story of each individual woman is very individual, and the older she is, the more intersections of various motives. I study these stories and paint pictures in 3D format. Where the first D is a physical diagnosis, the second D is an emotional diagnosis (chronic dominant feelings, in.