The transgenerational approach in Gestalt explores the phenomenon of simultaneous “belonging” to different genetic lines of ancestors (branches of the family tree), as well as some consequences of such a situation on a person’s well-being and behavior. After the appearance of a new child in the family, the question of whether he is “more similar” to one of the family members becomes a common topic of family (and not only) discussions. Relatives argue with each other and regularly change their opinions to the opposite. And the child’s “similarity” to a certain line of the family remains a secret desired prize. All friends and acquaintances are trying to express their opinion (and for one thing, to “join the glory”) who the child “really” looks like. I watched with great pleasure the “maneuvers” of my relatives who decided “whose” this child would be (my son). You already guessed that the opinions were exactly the opposite. But you will definitely be surprised (or maybe not) that representatives of different lines thought that he was more like..., that's it, the opposite side. And while describing the situation, I involuntarily used the word “opposite”, suggesting some kind of hidden conflict. So, my relatives repeated with one voice - “he looks like his wife”, my wife’s relatives - “he looks like me.” As if it were true, there is a constant struggle for the “loyalty of the offspring”, for the child, whose and to which clan he belongs more. And the feelings regarding the “choice” of the gender are so strong, and sometimes even unbearable, that it is easier to immediately admit - “of course, yours.” And on another level (on the unconscious or bodily) we hope that “he is, of course, ours.” The question of “similarity” or similarity with mom or dad runs like a red line throughout the lives of many people. It is discussed joyfully and enthusiastically at various family gatherings. It constantly comes up in personal therapy with clients and in groups: Who am I more like? From whom did you get what? Whose side is richer, more cultured, smarter, etc. This question can take many forms and consequences. They can determine professional choices in life, choice of partner, life position, etc., etc. And if, as a mental experiment, we assume that the clan of the mother and father separately offer the child a ready-made set of roles and identities. Then one can suspect that there is a constant competition between generic programs and gene lines. This picture can become more complicated if we distinguish personal and social layers of identity: who do I resemble physically (physiologically), what kind of family do my relatives and friends see me as a representative of, who do I belong to? I join for various reasons, from whom I actually receive help and resources. You can continue to differentiate: whose heir I am, whose work I should continue (I want, I can), whose script I continue, etc. I would be interested to know the opinions of my colleagues and readers. Is it possible for reconciliation and peaceful coexistence of all these identities within one person? or do you always have to choose? And divide yourself (split your own picture and identity) into different worlds. So my eldest son, at the age of 4-6, sincerely told me that he wanted to become a therapist and trainer, his grandfather - to become an engineer, his grandmother - a doctor, maintaining the identity of each member of the clan. Hidden wars of clans often live in family conflicts. For example, the spouse’s heredity, in the opinion of the other party, is the reason for the child’s wrong behavior or decision. You've probably heard a similar text, usually from the lips of a dissatisfied wife who tells her “unlucky” child - “you got all the bad things from your father, and all the good things from me. Or, as an option, at the end of an emotional explosion, combining theatrical hand-wringing with a cry of despair, which sounds at the same time like a reproach - “who did you get this from? Definitely not from me!” Based on personal experience and the results of the work of the groups of my “Clan and Ancestral Connections” program, one can cautiously assert that belonging to a certain clan and.