From the author: We often ask the question "WHY...?" He is so big and so childish... No one doubts that every person grows and by a certain time becomes big. ...Big, older, physically developed, smart, etc. The only question is, does everyone mature along with biological growth? Probably, many have noticed that they have irritants in different areas of life that they cannot cope with, and the reaction to them all the time brings pain, irritation, anger and much more. Let's call these stimuli “keys.” One very close person of mine, who had reached a fairly mature age, still could not learn to react adequately when he was told a lie. When he felt or understood that he was being lied to, he was “covered” with a wave of resentment, powerlessness and a feeling of humiliation and betrayal. This is due to the fact that in childhood such a child had to take too much responsibility and react to emerging situations “ like an adult” - if there are no adults nearby who you can rely on. And these are not even necessarily alcoholic parents who beat their children to death. - Mom, always busy with a sick brother or sister. - Dad with mood swings - sometimes kind and affectionate, sometimes irritated and angry. - Eternal swearing at home - parents are constantly on the edge divorce - what will happen tomorrow? - A grandmother who appointed her six-year-old granddaughter as a nanny for a three-month-old baby and strictly asks for it. In the story with my loved one, this is a mother who never admitted that she had deceived the child that dad had long left and lived with another family. The kid, trusting the closest adult - his mother, grew up in full confidence that his dad was on a business trip and he was a hero. And he didn’t understand why strangers laughed at him when he spoke with pride about it in kindergarten, and then at school. And when his older sister told him the truth (unaware of the consequences), he experienced that same shock of betrayal, humiliation, and pain. Unfortunately, his mother never recognized the child’s right to the truth. This led him to realize his powerlessness. He could not react “like a child,” he had to react “like an adult” and take responsibility for his mother’s action. The same result will be those parents who, in any conflict with a child at school or kindergarten, shift all responsibility for the situation to their child, just not to get involved in it yourself - “it’s your own fault, you should have taken into account the interests of the teacher (educator, another child, anyone - just not yourself).” Infantile parents, waiting for the child to make decisions, manipulating him with the help of resentment blaming the child for their conditions - “look how bad I feel, it’s you who brought me down,” “I’m sick because you behaved wrong.” The list is long. Each “not grown up” has its own thing in common. such a child has no choice but to develop his own defense against the anxiety and helplessness that is inevitable around such adults. From anxiety and helplessness, which are too much for such a small child who is left alone with these experiences... Some people learn to carefully observe their mood. close adults and predict their behavior - and thus at least somehow control the world around. Many try to actively influence the condition of significant adults in order to be safe and accepted: “I get an A - my mother will not swear, she will praise me.” Others learn not to look at their real parents or not to hear them (up to the deterioration of their vision and hearing) , painting for yourself an “ideal picture of mom and dad” - ignoring all manifestations of indifference, anger and negativity and ceasing to hear first the parents, then the entire world around them. It doesn’t matter what kind of protection is chosen - with it the child tries to control the unsafe world around him. It is very important - without it, the child’s psyche can be destroyed. It helps to cope with helplessness, despair, pain and total loneliness. But the price of such protection can be very high. Instead.