My adult daughter lives 3,000 km from me in a country that is constantly in the epicenter of military events. And now it’s especially obvious and scary. And yes, I'm afraid for her. I started reading the news about the situation, I call her almost every day and for now I carefully ask if she has decided to come to me. For now is the key word, because I really don’t want to fall into hysterics, tears and pleas. “Mom, don’t push it,” my wise daughter tells me. But, alas, it is becoming more difficult to cope with this every day. My situation, and it is really mine, and not a client’s case, prompted me to write this material. Because writing out your fear is one of the ways to cope with it. So why do we continue to “fear” for our children, although they are already well over 30, they have their own, established lives, they already know more about themselves than we do about them, and why are we sometimes so ashamed to feel this fear. I could offer you dozens of professional answers to this question, which include psychological and other important reasons. But I am writing as the mother of an adult daughter, and, of course, as a psychologist who is aware of what is happening. So, I still remember her first steps, funny words, sores and fractures. And in moments when something threatens her, of course, the protective mother wakes up, blowing on her torn knee and kissing her hot head. And this is about distrust of her adulthood. This is about the fact that my old dad still tells me “you are my little one,” and at this point I cry. This is not her problem, because she knows exactly how and what to do, having lived to the age of 38 without dying in this world. It’s as if I’m still responsible for her life, but that’s definitely not the case. Suddenly, in moments of danger, I become afraid for myself. Only one thought is pulsating in my already hot head: “I won’t live without her.” And this is about my own selfishness, and not about unconditional love. I begin to draw some terrible pictures of how she will get out of the burning country. And this is instead of helping her with clear and understandable recommendations in moments of panic, which, by the way, I know very well. And this is again about my personal anxiety. She does not have children, because she is more involved in business and self-development than in creating a family, and this makes it seem to me that she has a dulled sense of self-preservation, that is, she does not have that notorious animal instinct - fear for the child, for the nest. This means that she can be more relaxed and calm when she only has to pull herself out of the “hole.” And here it’s like, my bitter regret that I never became a grandmother. Again, no one promised me this, and certainly should not make me happy. I hear her arguments that leaving her country when she feels bad does not really fit with her values. And here I think that I still raised her well, but at the same time about “to hell with values ​​when it comes to life. And this is again about my instability. How much of our fears are “about us”, and not about our children. About them there is only love and hope that everything will be fine, and “this cup will pass away.” Being a deep agnostic, I suddenly went to church and prayed furiously for my daughter. And yes, this is about my need for support. And this article, which maybe will help someone understand themselves, is also from this series - to be part of the community, part of those parents who, for various reasons, are also afraid and worried about their children. And one more thing: this article helped me understand myself! If you are afraid for yourself, be afraid, this is your right and your choice, but what does this have to do with your adult child. If you can help with something, help. If you can’t, “Mom, don’t force it.” Take care of yourself, your life, your business. You cannot live the life of an adult for him. He will make his own decisions and mistakes himself. Your job is to accept it. Thank you for being with me in this, dear colleagues and guests of our community. Always with you, M. Slavina. +7-961-465-13-65 (whatsapp, telegram, VK). We can live through these situations together.