Among psychologists there are two polar points of view: 1st point of view All the causes of current problems lie in childhood, and specifically in the educational approach of parents: how we were treated, how we were scolded, punished, praised, appreciated, etc. 2nd point of view Parents raised and did what they could, so you need to leave the past in the past and deal with what is now. Be that as it may, our childhood experience leaves a significant imprint on what is happening to us now. And the call “It’s time to grow up! Stop being in an infantile position” is not particularly helpful, because once upon a time this position helped us a lot, but for some reason we were unable to acquire another “adult” one. What's the matter? Let me illustrate with an example: A child asks for a toy in a store, but his mother refuses. How can a child react? There are at least 3 options. The child will be upset, maybe cry, but will accept the refusal. The child will get angry, may start calling names, fight and continue to whine, “Well, buy it!”. The child will try to persuade, “I love you so much, I’ll behave well.” lead, I promise! “Mommy, please, you’re the kindest!” ". WHAT does the reaction depend on? First of all, on the characteristics of the child’s psyche. Each child has an individual set of innate characteristics: the speed of nervous processes, characteristics of thinking, memory, attention, etc. It is these characteristics that will determine how the child reacts to the same conditions of upbringing and what models of interaction with the world around him will be formed. So, the TASK OF THERAPY is not to expose the parents with their mistakes and wrongs, but to ACCEPT that for the most part they did this unconsciously. that they did not have the goal of deliberately harming you in order to explain to themselves and others why relationships with men are not working out, a career is not being built, etc., but to CHANGE ineffective patterns of response and behavior to effective ones in order to find someone to blame, but to HELP themselves COPING. what we couldn’t cope with in childhood.