"When does the work of grief end? The most truthful answer is that we never voluntarily let go of someone or something important to us. Since there is no time in the unconscious, once done emotional investment in a person or thing, we keep a mental double in the corners of our memory." Volkan V., Zintl E. “Life after loss: the psychology of grief” A separation occurs. We are looking for support from friends and loved ones. And we often hear: Forget it. Let go. Fight fire with fire. DON'T WORRY. Otherwise, don’t feel. Alas, pushing feelings deeper, trying to avoid mental pain is a dead end. Feelings remain, but without the opportunity to be lived, they do not find a way out. And then the body begins to solve mental problems. Symptoms arise: from body spasms to eating disorders. A way out is possible. You can begin your journey out of a breakup. It is important to understand that each person will go through it at different speeds, with different losses, depending on the characteristics of their personality. Conventionally, this path can be divided into 5 stages: 1. Denial (incubation). The moment of rupture is a shock to the human psyche. Often this is so painful that, fleeing the truth, people go into the realm of fantasy: “He (she) thinks about me, wants to come back. This missed call from an unfamiliar number was from him (her).” A person begins to check messengers, look at the time when another one came in. Gradually, at this stage, it is possible to accept the fact: “This happened to me. It's time to admit it."2. Anger (high temperature). “For what?” - inside there is a feeling of terrible injustice, anger and resentment are raging, you want to take revenge or do something desperate. It is important to allow emotions to manifest themselves and spill out. Do not drive them deep again, destroying health.3. Shame and guilt (weakness, loss of strength). “If I had been more flexible..., then everything would have been different.” "What did I do wrong?" Years may pass at this stage of self-flagellation. But you can go further.4. Loneliness (turn towards recovery). At the previous stages, a person is not alone, there is always another invisibly next to him, with whom, in fact, the separation inside has not yet been completed. The entire previous path is necessary to prepare the psyche for a very important and difficult meeting with loneliness. But it will be the bottom from which you can push off and begin your path upward, to recovery and a new life. B5. Revival (recovery). Any human experience - including separation - carries not only losses, but also gains. And it is here that you can find new meanings and supports, an understanding of how you can change your life and begin to act. Of course, these stages are conditional, they can change places, overlap one another. A specialist is someone who can share with you the difficulties of this path, reflect They are like in a mirror, support them, be there for them. But only personal choice can allow a person to either stay in the past, continue to grieve, or find support in himself and look into the future. Spoiler title You may think that life is too short and beautiful to devote it to suffering. Sign up for a consultation in telegram @ tatiana_tereshina. PS The article uses material from Svetlana Ladeishchikova’s book “Five Steps from Breaking Up”».